1. Stop to check your collars are on tight.

2. Stop to stretch a totally unrelated body part. For example, during the lunge track, stop and stretch the triceps.

3. Pretend to hear your cell phone ringing and run over to answer it. Make a call.

4. Leave the room to go to the toilet.

5. Check your shoelaces.

6. The bar has suddenly gotten slippery. Take some time to wipe it down. 

7. Stop to have a drink.

8. If there is a pillar in the room, position yourself behind it so the instructor can't see you.

9. If the instructor leaves the stage to assist someone's technique such as triceps extensions, have a rest whilst you stop and observe.

10. Stop to pick your G-string out of your butt.

11. Stop, turn sideways on to check your technique in the mirror then spend time repositioning yourself.

12. The floor has suddenly gotten slippery. Take some time to wipe it down. Be sure to use your neighbour's towel for this purpose.

13. When the instructor announces push ups, look docile and take your time getting to the floor. Wait until the instructor shows all the
options of pushups, then choose one, then do some. By this time you start, the rest of the class has already knocked off about ten or
fifteen.

14. Stop during a track to change your weights.

Från Sportin Graphics.

Here is not where men and boys are separated but where the ordinary becomes audacious, where summer storms turn into tornadoes.

And if we talk in terms of weather, then this is the weightlifter's hurricane, quads and calves like turbulent gusts of muscle whipped around the eye of the knee.

You step up to the rack, square off facing a cracked plaster wall or a mirror hung there to display what will soon be your face in a grimace of agony.

Grip the bar, lean into it, bend the neck till the head slips under and you feel the cold steel across your shoulders.
Dig in beneath the weight, measure each breath, straighten slowly as you lift it off the rack; step back, stand for a moment to ensure the bar's securely balanced. Now squat.

Each quad fills with a rush of blood then swells as you start to stand.
Straight up, back tight, head and neck stiff, as if
you were skewered through form heel to forehead, the rump like a linchpin to control the flow of motion; down again, then up, your butt the hub upon which the hips ride, cycling each rise and dip, knees wrapped tightly to avoid a buckle.

When each thigh is peach repetition pulling you farther form the edge of that frontier you are now swooping through like a crazed hawk, flashing and slashing around sheared cliffs glazed with the blades of a midday sun.
A gust of wind, as if form great wings beating, and you're lifted above some steep face of rock, sweeping the sky like a blare sent up form fields resembling golden sponges.

You've crashed the gate, slipped silently through
some dark portal where you hear your own breathing, though somehow you know you're not in control. You're unconscious but you're still squatting.

By Peter Spiro

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

1. you have trouble counting past 5.
2. you volunteer to mop the floor as an excuse to sniff the ammonia.
3. you think the 'wonder bra' is a new benchpress aid.
4. you feel the Space Shuttle is a Rich Peters promotional gimmick.
5. you've ever stolen the baby powder off the diaper changing table.
6. 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
7. you can multiply by 45 from memory.
8. when asked by the doctor for a blood sample , you show him/her your shins.
9. you check your depth while sitting on the toilet.
10. you check into the 4-star meet hotel wearing bike tights and a tank top.

Från The Power Rack.

1. THOU shalt have no other sports before pumping iron.
2. THOU shalt not eat junk food; and when bulking up thou shalt never eat more than ye can lift.
3. THOU shalt obey the basic laws of overload, intensity diet and rest, and forsake thy natural urge to PARTY!
4. THOU shalt not look with disdain, or otherwise intimidate any "mullet" working out in thy gym.
5. THOU shalt not remember what non-lifters do as ye workout, lest the remembrance mat not compare favorably with what thou doest at the gym.
6. THOU shalt not steal any equipment being used by another in thy gym - even though that user be a displaced jogger, golfer or the like.
7. THOU shalt not tell any false tales about thy past lifts or measurements.
8. THOU shalt not kill anyone who exclaims with glee as ye struggle for that last rep "Gee, I'm getting tired just watching you workout"!
9. THOU shalt maintain a tranquil mind, and should the cares of the world get you down - PACK ON MORE IRON AND DO ANOTHER SET!
10. UNTIL that final record is broken, title won, or goal achieved, THOU shalt say thy prayers, take thy vitamins, and PUMP IRON!

Från The Power Rack.

1. A stiff bar won't flex when exploding out of the hole.
2. No one will notice if your butt comes off the bench.
3. Less red lights due to not getting deep enough.
4. It gives new meaning to 'get psyched up'.
5. If it becomes a banned substance, drug testing will be easy.
6. More women will become head referees.
7. Other lifters won't ask you for a 'spot' in the warm-up room.
8. Powerlifting might actually get some T.V. coverage.
9. The curtain on the aerobics room windows will be removed.
10. In the deadlift, 'Normal standing position' will have to be redefined.

Från The Power Rack.

It's time to Exercise! - 11 jan 00

Names related to Anatomical/Medical Terms
------------------------------------------
* Dr. John Looney--Psychiatrist
* Dr. Alden Cockburn--Urologist
* Dr. John Heine--Urologist
* Dr. Cynthia Rasch
* Dr. John Spine
* Dr. Bonnie Beaver--Gynecologit
* Dr. Edmond Lipp
* Dr. Phillip Hipps
* Dr. Evan Lipkiss
* Dr. Joel Pisser
* Dr. Cindy Lung
* Dr. Seymour Weiner
* Dr. Charles Paine
* Dr. Maroon Dick
* Dr. Michael Achey
* Dr. Joseph Hurt
* Dr. Thomas Glasscock
* Dr. Denise Stretcher
* Dr. Thomas Goodhart
* Dr. Owen Bloodgood

About 13-thousand people at Seoul's Chamsil Olympic Gymnasium saw Ri Myong-hun collect 24 points and seven rebounds during 21 minutes of
playing time. Players from each Korea were divided into mixed squads for the scrimmage. The two national teams play each other again today.
At seven-foot-eight-and-a-half-inches, Ri is two inches taller than Manute Bol...the tallest player ever in the NBA. Ri also aspired to play in the NBA, but failed.

Från Arcamax Wierd News.

That's when Damon Santostefano - director of the upcoming WB film  "Three To Tango" - unveils the secret footage he took of Perry, Neve
Campbell, Dylan McDermott and Oliver Platt during the past few weeks. Santostefano rigged their private dressing rooms, offices, trailers
and the WB gym with Webcams.

The candid footage will give online viewers a rare look at - among other things - how directors are treated by guards at the studio gates and what the stars really think of the marketing ploys for their movies.

Från Arcamax Wierd News.

The AMA's House of Delegates voted in favor of a report by an ethics panel, requiring doctors to counsel impaired patients to stop driving. If those patients insist on getting behind the wheel anyway, the doctors would be ethically bound to tell the appropriate government agencies.

Från Arcamax Wierd News.

DiplomaticHints.com promises to carefully and diplomatically inform the individual of the offending situation. The package will include a sample of Biofresh's innovative Breath Management System.

And the company guarantees the sender's name will be kept anonymous. If you don't have Internet access, DiplomaticHints.com can take
orders via fax, U-S Mail and over the phone.

Från Arcamax Wierd News.

Suzanne Rutland estimates she's eaten more than 50-thousand Cup Cakes in the 44 years since she first discovered the snack as a two-year-old.

Currently, she eats four daily - two for breakfast....one for an afternoon snack...and another after dinner. And, surprise! At five-foot-eight and under 120 pounds, Rutland has never been overweight. She says - "It's always been a family joke. I'm lucky because I've never had a weight problem."

Från Arcamax Wierd News.

Vegetarians will sit down to what they call "a wholesome, nonviolent assortment of the earth's bounty - grains, vegetables and fruits."

Hundreds of local vegetarian societies around the U.S. plan to sponsor public dinners - from a spread for 400 at the Hyatt Regency Grand Ballroom in Washington, to smaller potluck dinners at churches and community centers.

Från Arcamax Wierd News.

So the Cedar Rapids Gazette went looking for the man - and found no trace of him. The newspaper also checked the Hy-Vee Food Store for its supply of pigs' feet and found only two jars on the shelves. 

Hormel Foods of Austin, Minnesota, makes three-quarters of the pigs' feet eaten in the United States. It says the snack is most popular in the South. Hormel spokeswoman Mary Harris tells the Gazette that pigs' feet are most often consumed as a snack in bars. In her words - 
"They're real tender."

Från Arcamax Wierd News.